Bundles of International Joy
by Annihilare
Summary: England was having a horrid day. And it was the collective fault of America, Russia, Germany and France. So, he decides to change them into cats. CRACK HETALIA.


**Chapter One- Here In Your Arms**

England was having a bad day. A bad day on top of previous bad days, weeks and even months. He was so bloody tired. Tired of listening to America eat, tired of listening to France flirt with him (bloody frog), tired of listening to America and Russia fight and tired of pretty much everything else in his life at the moment. Well, seeing as the last time he was frustrated he ended up getting drunk off his ass, he decided on a more tame approach to his frustration this time- magic.

It was well known to most that England considered himself 'magical'. He talked to things that weren't there, cursed things, and other such stuff. But for England, it was more than just a hobby. It was a great way to relieve stress, not to mention he had stumbled upon a great idea for making everything quiet down for a few weeks while looking through his books. He was going to turn his problems into cats and drop them on some stranger.

Nothing could go wrong with a little space, right? It would only be for a few weeks. Everyone would benefit. Right?

Emma Marie was not having a good day. She had been late for work, she was being pressured to renew her Green Card so she could stay in the States, and on top of it all, there was a mysterious box sitting on her doorstep that she really didn't want to deal with.  
"No." She told herself, shoving it to the side. For all she knew, it could be some kind of gas bomb. Things like that happened all the time in America.  
"MEEEEEWWW!"The box shuffled around on the step and Emma Marie froze for a moment, staring at it with large amber eyes.  
"Oh god, please, don't let it be kittens.." She almost pleaded with the wall, grabbing the box and hauling it into the small three room apartment. She had a horrible weakness for animals. That would be why she worked at a veterinarian's office as a secretary. She didn't have the credentials to be a true vet, but being that close to animals was just as good for her.  
Luck was not on her side that day. Opening the box, which had been carefully folded so that air could still get into it, she met the faces of five kittens. Five, adorable, fluffy cute kittens. Her heart melted. She carefully reached in and picked out the first one she touched, which at first glance was a golden short hair with darker brown marks around his eyes that almost looked like glasses. With the kitten all the way out of the box, she noticed that his tail had three stripes on it: red, white and blue. She giggled at the strange colors, petting the kitten with one finger.  
"Your last human dyed you? Cute.. I bet your name is something like Freedom..." She put him on the table, taking out a pure black cat with a white ruff that was almost silver and adorable violet eyes. She cooed, feeling the need the cuddle with it...him. She put him on the table with the other kitten, lifting the last two out of the box together. The one in her right hand (Male) was a darker colored tabby, with mostly browns covering him in medium length fur. His paws were pitch black, like he had stepped in tar. The one in her left hand, also male, was a pure white with gorgeous blue eyes. Grinning at them, she set them on the table. Cooing again, Emma Marie could almost have sworn that the white cat winked at her. Shaking her head, she stood, unsure of what to do next. Food! Of course.

England relaxed in his chair, his eyes almost closing in the strange peace that echoed around the meeting room. With no America spitting hamburger in his face, or Russia asking him to become one, or frog getting up in his space, and no Germany yelling for everyone else to shut up, it was so...quiet. He yawned, stifling it behind his hand.  
"Where is America-san?" The quiet voice of Japan asked the room at large. England looked at him, hiding the need to smirk at the thought under his paperwork.  
"Veeee~ Doitsu is missing too!" A sobbing Italian clung to his chair across the room. The small girl with shocking white blonde hair hissed from her seat.  
"Big Brother is not here. Waste of time." She pulled a knife from nowhere and fiddled with it. England looked away, noticing the small man next to him. His heart jolted. America?  
"F-France vanished t-too.." He muttered. England relaxed. It was only..uhm.. whatever. He dismissed it.  
"We shall have to start the meeting without them then." China took charge, business like as always, although England thought he might have seen a flash of concern in those ageless eyes.

Emma Marie watched the kittens eat. The one with the stripes wolfed all his food down in what seemed to be milliseconds, eyeing the food on the black cats plate, who hissed at him threateningly. She raised her eyebrows. That was a deep hiss for such a tiny kitten. The tabby cat was eating at a normal pace, although he seemed to not like the food very much. The white kitten, however, was sitting in front of his plate, vehemently refusing to eat anything. He wouldn't even look at the food. Emma Marie frowned, reaching over to pick the kitten up delicately. She flipped him on his stomach in her hands, only needing one to hold the small thing. She gently prodded his stomach, which was normal size. There was no bloating, like he had over fed or he had blockage. She frowned, looking at the tiny thing with a glint of frustration.  
"Why the hell won't you eat?" She grumbled, looking at his food. "It was the best I could get, goodness... You're like some gourmet cat or something.." She set the cat back down, prodding him towards the food. He sniffed with a final air and stalked away, over to where Emma Marie sat when she ate. Seeing as she had gotten her own food out after feeding the kittens, her fish sat half eaten with the rice on her plate, gently cooling down. (She was feeding the kittens on the table). Watching with some interest, she watched the small thing sniff the fish and then take a bite. She laughed, getting up. "I was right. You are some weird gourmet thing. Alrighty then. You are hereby named Chef... Hope you like the fish, small guy." She poked his stomach as he ate, picking him up after a few minutes. Wouldn't do for him to gorge and then get sick. Ignoring his mewls of protest, she managed to pick up all the other kittens, using her shirt like a basket while heading towards her room. Chef crawled his way up her shirt, settling on top of her chest. Emma Marie raised and eyebrow, bending over backwards slightly to make sure she didn't dump him off as she stepped into her room. "Time for bed guys. I gotta get my beauty rest before going to work tomorrow... Speaking of which.." She grabbed the black kitten, dumping the rest unceremoniously on her bed. She held him up, inspecting his underside. Right. "Ya'll need to be neutered, don't you? I don't feel like having to deal with more kittens when you're all of age. Not to mention marking.." She sighed. There was so much she needed to get if she was going to keep the four of them.

The four nations-turned-cats sat in a circle on the floor of the human woman who took them in's bedroom. Three of them looked horribly shaken, like their manhood had been threatened. In a way, it had been. The fourth sat happily, his stomach full of (weird) food. The white Persian recently dubbed 'Chef' made a small cough.

"_I am thinking we need to dissuade her from neutering us, non? I do not wish to be neutered._" Francis worried, his small eyes worried. The black cat nodded.

"_Da, I have no wish to be missing parts of me._" His voice-meow?- was deep and seemed to hold a hell of a lot of history in it.

"_Ja_." The tabby said no more, instead shuddering slightly. The cat with the stripes looked at all of them with a confused face.

"_What the hell is being neutered?_" He asked. If cats could blush, Ludwig would be beet red as he studied the far wall. Francis sidled over to America, a devilish smile on his kitten face.

"_Oh, mon lapin, you do not know what neutering is?_" America looked at him like he was stupid.

"_No, I don't dude. I just said that!_"

They were interrupted by the Russian cat.

"_Amerika is a stupid child even in this strange form._" He made the comment idly, watching the woman turn over in her sleep and clutch her pillow.

"_Hey! Commie bastard, it's not like I sit in my room all day and read and think of stupid Communist pans like you!_"

"_ENOUGH!_" They all froze, looking over at Germany. Even in feline form, he was intimidating. "_We have enough to worry about other than that! For instance, why the hell are we all cats? And how are we going to get back to ourselves?_" Nobody had any answers and they all sat there for the rest of the night, together yet separate in their predicament.

Rolling over, Emma Marie looked at the clock. 10 o'clock.

"Shit." She muttered, face planting out of bed and dragging herself up to a standing position. There was a chorus of mews under her feet and she looked down at the four kittens that monopolized her time. It had been three days since she found the box on the doorstep, finally making it Saturday. Last night she had stayed up until 3 watching horror movies like Rise of the Walking Dead and Room Nine. For some reason, Freedom had clung to her the entire time, almost clawing her arms to death. All of the kittens had names now- The blonde one with the stripes was Freedom, Chef was still Chef, and the tabby was christened Bratwurst after stealing her food one night (She affectionately called him Brat or Wursty) and the black cat was named Vodka...after a terrifying set of events two days previously when she had bought a small bottle of vodka and was practically killed by the kitten while he tried to get it from her. He won, her arms had lost.

"_I'M HUNGRYYYY!_" Alfred yelled, looking up at Emma Marie with a plaintive face. She chuckled, reaching down and picking him up in one hand.

"Shush Free. I'm going to feed you in a minute, but you can't have too much. You've got a vet appointment." The other three cats froze, looking at each other. Did this mean..? Francis shuddered, racing through the small apartment towards the fridge where he plopped down.

"_How are we going to get out of this?_" He asked the other two, looking at them. Ludwig had a set face, baring his teeth in thought.

"_I will make sure she picks me up first, da?_" Ivan flashed his pointed teeth, circling Emma Marie's feet. The other two looked at each other, fearing for whatever human tried to take it from him.

"ALRIGHT! Food, carrier, wallet goes in purse, keys aaannnddd... ahck! Chef!" Emma Marie grabbed the white kitten, stuffing him back into the box she was using to tote them to the vets office. She placed a finger on the kittens head, pressing him down so she could shut the flaps over the box. Looking through the small holes that she had cut out of the sides, she smiled reassuringly. "It'll be okay, boys. I trust Dr. Abbey."

Walking down the road, Emma Marie dodged the pedestrian traffic. She was glad she only lived three blocks from the office where she worked.

"Live in America, Em's.. It'll teach you coordination." She muttered to herself, waiting impatiently for the light to change so she could cross the road with her babies. Inside the box, Alfred was having a small spazz attack.

"_WE'RE IN NEW YORK CITY!_" He yelled, jumping up and down. Ivan gave a pure Ivan 'stfu' look, recognizable even in the dark.

"_Shut up Alfred._" Francis snapped, huddle in a corner. Alfred pouted, sticking his eye back to one of the holes. Ivan resumed his curled up position on the opposite side of the box, allowing the rocking motion of Emma Marie to lull him into a light nap. It was nice, not having to worry about Natalya.

"Emma Marie, here for general checkup. I'm a new customer, five cats." Emma Marie smiled at the secretary who worked on the weekends, holding her box against her hip so she could take the five reference forms that she had to fill out. Grumbling, the woman grabbed a pen and went over to sit in the waiting area, carefully setting the box on the seat next to her before starting on the first sheet.

**Name of Pet: **Freedom

**Color: **Tan-gold, red, white and blue stripes of fur on tail.

**Gender: **Male, not neutered

**Problems You May Have Noticed: **Other- He eats a ton yet seems to gain no weight.

**Name of Pet: **Chef

**Color: **Pure white

**Gender: **Male, not neutered

**Problems You May Have Noticed: **Other- Will only eat real cooked food. Can't even get him to look at cat food.

**Name of Pet: **Vodka

**Color: **Black with a white/silver ruff

**Gender: **Male, not neutered

**Problems You May Have Noticed: **Behavioral Problems- Very aggressive, especially towards Freedom.

**Name of Pet: **Bratwurst

**Color: **Tabby, black paws.

**Gender: **Male, not neutered

**Problems You May Have Noticed: **Other- races around my apartment twice every day at the exact same time.

Yawning, Emma Marie got up to hand the secretary her papers. Several minutes later, she heard her name called and looked up to meet the smile of Dr. Abbey, also her boss.

"Emma Marie. I wasn't aware you had kittens!" Dr. Abbey said, pulling her shoulder length red hair out of her face with a hairband and taking Emma Marie into one of the exam rooms. Emma Marie placed the box on the table, opening the flaps and lifting the cats out one by one until they all huddled on the exam table together, eyes wide. Dr. Abbey grinned, picking up the largest one, which happened to be Vodka.

"I only got them a few days ago, Doctor. Found them on my doorstep." Emma Marie grinned, deftly catching Chef and returning him to the table.

"Well, I'll just take them back. It says here that Vodka seems to be aggressive towards Freedom?"

Emma Marie nodded, stroking Chef's head. He was shaking horribly.

"He and Free hiss and spit at each other. He also hits Free upside the head a lot and I can't get him to stop. It doesn't help that Free usually retaliates either." Dr. Abbey nodded.

"Well, the problem is probably just testosterone. We'll get that fixed right away... I will take Vodka back by himself then, and come and get the rest in a few minutes." She left the room, not noticing of the claws dug deep into the coat on her body.

"Damn Chef... Twitchy much?" Emma Marie sighed, picking the cat up and holding him against her chest. Looking at Free and Brat, she sighed, somehow managing to pick them all up as well and hold them together while waiting for Dr. Abbey to return.

"_Poor Russia.._" France said quietly, eyes trained on the door. He. Would. Not. Loose. It.

"AIYEEEEE!" There was a lot of screaming and crashing from behind the door that led to the back of the building, into the labs. Emma Marie raised an eyebrow, frowning. What in the world? The door slammed open, a black cat with hardly a fur out of place thrown into the room before the door was slammed shut and locked. Emma Marie stared down at Vodka, eyes widening drastically when she noticed there was red staining the ground underneath him. Discarding the other three, she dropped to the ground next to Vodka, carefully picking him up and checking him over.

"What the hell?" She muttered, standing and quickly grabbing a paper towel, wetting it so she could get the blood off of his paws. He wasn't bleeding, not at all, in fact he seemed to almost be smirking. Not to mention he felt a hell of a lot heavier and bigger than when he had left the room. Twitching, she dried his feet off and placed him back in the box, grabbing the others as well, stuffing them in there. She wasn't imagining him being bigger- he took up almost one side of the box by himself! Carefully shutting the top, she picked the box up and left the room, passing the front office and almost all the way out onto the street before she realized something. Backtracking, she smiled at the secretary again.

"Can I help you?" The lady asked. Emma Marie nodded, fishing something out of her pocket to hand to the girl.

"My green card expired and I'm leaving tomorrow. I told Dr. Abbey and Dr. Bart several weeks ago." She smiled, business finished. She had really been hoping to get them fixed before leaving for home on Sunday though. Sighing, she set back out, missing the scene a few minutes later when Dr. Abbey walked out into the lobby, accompanied by her husband (Dr. Bart), who was on the phone with 911. Dr. Abbey's face looked like she had been through a meat grinder, and her shoulders shook, her doctors coat shredded to pieces. Dr. Barts also looked a little worse for wear, several scratches on his otherwise unharmed face, one of his fingers bent awkwardly. But Emma Marie missed it, trotting home quickly so she could pack what was left of her stuff up and get her car out of storage so she could leave the following morning at first light.. It was a five hour drive to Kingston, where she had lived before deciding to move to the States. Stupid idea, really. The only good thing that had come out of it was her little group of guys.

That night, the five cats- for they were all larger than kittens now, about the size of a 1 year old cat- slept with her on the fold out couch, each one within reach of her arms.

* * *

PAGE BREEAAAAAK!

Anyways- Yes. Here we go. A Hetalia/Nekotalia story with an OC character. No, she isn't a state. Or a city in Canada. Maybe.

Russiacat is evil. That is all. (Dr. Abbey is based of Abiki-nii.) Title comes from Here In Your Arms, by HelloGoodbye.


End file.
